omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize