Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
