he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
