I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
