didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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