I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
