You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
