so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
