This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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