I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
