You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
