Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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