Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
