Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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