Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
do nipples grow back?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
