I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
