I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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