The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
