I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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