i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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