Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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