There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
