she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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