No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
