textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
