all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
