Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
