My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
