Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
