Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
