Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
