omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
