I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
