She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
