trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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