4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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