after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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