She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
