he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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