I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
