I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
