If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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