My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
