Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
