I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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