He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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