We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
