Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
