I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
