you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
