Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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