We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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